Setting Ground Rules for Parents

Bret Warnack Denton
Ryan High School

Perhaps one of the most frustrating things about coaching at any level in any sport is dealing with parent problems. This can range from the parent of sometimes outstanding athletes that push their kids many times to the point of burnout, to the parent of the very marginal athlete who has an understandable bias toward their child, and believes they are not getting their fair share of playing time. This is especially true in baseball, where almost every dad in America was a little league baseball coach, and in increasingly more cases a SELECT coach. Most of the time all of these parents have very good intentions, unfortunately they do not always handle their problems in the appropriate manner, and many times the person who suffers is their child, the very person they are trying to help. Most of the time these problems begin with communication. I believe that most of us do a good job of communicating our expectations to our players, and usually the players have a good idea of their abilities, and of where they stand. However, many times the kids do not always communicate that to their parents.

About a year ago, my father printed out an email that was sent to him containing a little story that I thought was very fitting as to how we feel as coaches at times. The story goes as follows:

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old baseball players aside, and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"

The little boy nodded in the affirmative. "Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?" The little boy nodded, yes.

"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head. Do you understand all that?

Again, the little boy nodded.

He continued, "And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach an `idiot' is it?"

Again, the little boy nodded. "Good," said the coach, ....."Now go over there and explain all that to your mother."

Unfortunately, many times the people on the other side of the fence are the ones making fools of themselves. As professionals we coach our athletes to carry themselves with class, poise, and character, and that they must strive to handle themselves in that manner regardless ofthe situation. After all, in my opinion, that is what high school athletics is all about. Only a few of us will ever have the chance to coach a kid who goes on to be a professional athlete. However, our ultimate goal is that every kid we coach goes on to be a successful, productive member of society. We are coaching our sport, and if you are like me, you are obviously very passionate about it, but in the big picture of our athletic programs the most important things we teach are the values of discipline, pride, poise, class, accountability, and responsibility. These are the things that all of our athletes are going the benefit from for the rest of their lives, whether they go on to be a professional athlete, a doctor, lawyer, salesman, policeman, fireman, engineer, coach, teacher, CEO, etc... These are the things that EVERY parent would agree they are trying to accomplish with their kids as well. I believe it is important, however to put these things in perspective for the parents, and communicate to them your philosophy, and what you are trying to accomplish with your program. You must appeal to their common sense.

I began my head-coaching career five years ago at the relatively young age of 29. Fortunately, I inherited a very talented team from former head coach Tommy Blair who I had played for in high school, and had been an assistant under for the past five years. However, in my first year I was somewhat overwhelmed with parent conferences. I think some of the parents saw my age and experience as an opportunity to attempt to apply pressure and make a bid for more playing time for their child. I felt like I handled each conference well, and in each case left the parents with a good understanding of where I stood, where their child stood, and the importance of the team in each situation. This was, however, very time consuming and stressful. At the same time it was a learning experience for me, and I began to brainstorm about possible solutions to the problem of communication.

I began putting together an outline for a parent meeting that I would conduct at the beginning of each year, and I have been doing it ever since. It simply puts everyone on the same page, and you get a chance to present yourself as a professional to the parents. I explain to them that this is our profession. This is what we have trained to do much in the same way each of them has trained to be a doctor, lawyer, engineer, mechanic, etc... I am not going to try to tell a lawyer how to plead their case, and in turn I expect them to trust me and my staff and our judgment as it relates to their child and our program. We do still have an occasional parent conference, but the number has been drastically cut, and usually the discussion is a reminder and a reinforcement of what was stated at the beginning of the year. The outline I use for our parent meeting is listed below. I usually print the outline out and make handouts for the parents so they can have a reference that they may use later in the year. We have been pleased with the results since we have been holding our parent meeting, and I think it can be a benefit to every coach in the profession.

Parent    Meeting    Outline

• My Philosophy of Athletics
• Player's Expectations
• What you can expect from your coaches.
• Parent Guidelines

Be Positive with your son.

Let him know by simply being part of this team is an accomplishment. Don't put him down. If you are constantly telling him he should be playing, he may take it as derogatory. If he is not a starter, he probably knows why, but it may be hard for him to tell you.

Encourage him to work and do his best.
Don't offer excuses if he is not playing. There is usually a reason for it and he should discuss it with his coach

Be loyal to the program and to the coaches.
The coach represents the boss-authority-parent-teacher-etc. If the parents constantly doubt the coach, how can you expect your son to play for him. Teach your child to be a DOER, not a COMPLAINER.

Insist that your son follow TEAM RULES.
No matter which team your son is on, players must follow the rules. Baseball is very demanding and coaches are concerned with a player's off the field activities. In order to get the maximum physical and mental performance, he needs to take care of himself on and off the field. DO-RIGHT.

Insist on good grades.
Monitor your son's homework. Make sure that they are setting aside time to do homework. Regardless of what they tell you they usually do have homework. Bring him to tutorials, if necessary. Tutors are available in all subjects.

Baseball talent means nothing if the grades do not meet expectations.
Be positive toward ALL other players in the program.

Please do not carry bad feelings toward players because of incidents that may have occurred between players. (incidents that may have occurred in little league, girlfriends, your conflicts with other parents etc... ) Try and remember that every player has an important role on the team. It may not always be a starting role, but every role contributes to the entire team.

Be a Good Fan in the Stands!!
As a fan, you are entitled to yell your head off, if you want to. (Please do) We want to remain positive toward the opponent, all coaches and all players. Please don't act like a "know-it-all"! The coaches work with the players and know the talents and abilities of each player well. Trust them in their judgments and respect their coaching knowledge. We see them every day in practice. Every day they have an opportunity to prove themselves to us. I understand that some players may be "gamers," but if we see little work ethic in practice, it is hard for us to put them in a game in a key situation.

Please do not come over to the dugout during ballgames. (Food, Drinks, Extra Coaching) If there is an emergency, and you are needed, we will come find you.

Insist that your son develop self-control.
Selfrespect begins with self-control. "The ballplayer who loses his head, who can't keep his cool, is worse than no ballplayer at all." Lou Gehrig

Refrain from comparing your son with previous children who have played sports, or with other players on the team.
Encourage your son to be himself and develop his own given talents. DO NOT PUT UNDUE PRESSURE on your son by thinking only in terms of scholarships. Scholarships area result of unselfish play, hard work, leadership, coachability, mental discipline and character, as well as individual talent. Speaking from experience, a college coach prefers TEAM players, rather than one only focused on himself. (Guys who are leaders and are willing to do whatever it takes for their team to win.)

Your life will be miserable if your son is playing baseball only to get a scholarship and not for the love of the sport and competition. It is just a game, and we all need to keep that in perspective.

Have your son see his coach if he has a problem.
Almost all concerns can be handled at this step. Coaches are here because they love coaching and love working with your children. There are many times they do not realize your son has a problem, so let them know. Teach your sons to take responsibility and handle their concerns in an adult manner.

ENJOY YOUR SON AND HIS PLAY!
Time flies quickly as your son goes through high school. Make the most of each game. If he has a good game... GREAT! If he has a poor game ... IT'S STILL OKAY!

Don't be a worry-wart-that's the coaches job. Sometimes, no, MOST of the time, parents take things harder than the players. Lighten up and HAVE FUN!!

THE ROLE OF THE SUB

Nobody likes the idea of sitting on the bench during games. However, for most of us, being a substitute is a reality at certain stages of our athletic careers. How you are able to deal with the responsibilities and frustrations of being someone who comes off the bench cannot only affect your personality, but in most cases will determine the success or failure of your team. Many games are won or lost as a result of the performance of a substitute or specialist. If you are going to be a sub, an effective sub, you must understand it's importance and accept the role to help contribute to your team's success. You should always work hard to become a starter, but if you don't start, do not let your substitute status affect your ability to contribute to the success of the team. Be positive during practice and games. Fifty percent of your effort should be devoted to motivating your teammates. Study the game from the dugout. You should have a pretty good idea where and when you are likely to be used as a sub. Analyze the competition, study the opposing pitcher, opposing hitters. Watch for pitch selection tendencies, and hitting tendencies. Know your strengths and how best to take advantage of your opponents weaknesses.

Be prepared for every possible situation before it occurs. Anticipate entering the game at a crucial moment and be ready to contribute. During practice, free time, or games, use mental images to prepare yourself for high pressure situations before they occur. For example, imagine the feelings, pressure, and tension of being substituted into the third game of a playoff series, with the game tied 2 outs, and a man on second. Visualize yourself hitting the ball hard and driving in the winning run. This situation is likely to be easier to deal with if you have at least experienced it in your mind.

Remember, there is no shame in being a sub. Your contributions are just as important to the team family as those of a starter. Be positive, work hard, and you and your team will be successful.

Stay as physically prepared as possible, come in with confidence, support your teammates from the bench verbally, cooperate with your coach, accept your role and strive to be as valuable to the team as you can. Success is determined by the whole team.

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Title	Setting ground rules for parents
Author	Warnack, B.
Source	Texas coach (Austin, Tex.)
Publisher	Texas High School Coaches Association, Inc.
Date	March 2005
SIRC Article #	S-976227

 

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