Mom, dad play crucial roles

Most parents want to see their kids excel in everything - academics, athletics, making friends, you name it. Because few of us are gifted enough to teach, we tend to leave the academics to the classroom and decisions to teachers and principals. When it comes to athletics, however, too many parents consider their own dreams and fantasies when faced with hard decisions, and it's often at the expense of their kids. Competitive skiing is no different than many sports - it's far from immune to parental ambition when it comes to children.

Recently our daughter Alexandra, who turns 8 in October, was asked to advance to our local ski program's C level. Her mother and I were surprised, because the age minimum for the C team is 9. While the coaches' recognition of her skiing ability was flattering, a family debate ensued as Alexandra was asked, but not required, to step up a level. That choice ultimately rested with mom and dad and, most importantly, Alexandra.

The three of us faced the question of whether she should go ahead and take a big step up in age and ability level, and have to cope with being a year younger than her teammates. Yes, she would be skiing with higher-level kids. And yes, there would be more individual attention and some gates during the course of the season. All of that was positive. On the negative side, she would be leaving the D team, where all of her pals were. She would also be departing a program that is very child friendly and where kids follow fabulous skiers on every type of terrain and condition imaginable. At the D level, there is no pressure to perform, just have fun and ski fast.

So what is it to be? For the overambitious parent, there is no discussion. Like it or not, the child goes to the moreadvanced program. But will that be good for Alexandra? Over the years, my wife and I have been exposed to competitive skiing at the highest level. We have seen firsthand the damage done by parents who vicariously live through their child's athletic careers, pushing their kids unmercifully regardless of the consequences. We wanted no part of that formula.

Loathing the pushy-parent syndrome, we decided to question coaches at the C level. We chatted with past and current parents, and talked to her coaches from the D level. We learned from D-level coaches that they also believed there were pluses and minuses on either side of the decision.

Feeling either option was viable, we explained to Alexandra what was being offered to her and then we did what we feel a sensible parent would ultimately do. We let her make the choice.

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